The Style Invitational Week 864: One-word spoonerisms

By The Empress

Saturday, April 10, 2010; C02

Bootlicker > Lootbicker: To argue in Congress over who gets the earmarks.

Whappersnipper: Someone who assaults a mohel.

Lugachug: To carry a cooler full of beer.

There's a lot of fun to be had with spoonerisms, those sometimes accidental, sometimes intentional transposing of parts of two words in a phrase -- an old Invitational contest for them produced such classics as a Buddha figurine described as "a placid face about a flaccid place." Loser Peter Metrinko suggests a twist on the form: This week: "Spoonerize" a single word or a name by transposing the beginnings of different syllables in the word, and define the resultant new term, as in Peter's examples above. Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place gets a tube of genuine Splat brand chili-flavor Russian toothpaste, brought directly from Moscow by Very Sporadic Loser Dean Meservy.

Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Loser Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly tree-shaped air "freshener" (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.comor by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, April 19. Put "Week 864" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results to be published May 8. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's results is by Tom Witte; this week's honorable-mentions subhead is by Russell Beland. The spoonerism from Week 124 was by Matt Westbrook of Baltimore.

Report from Week 860, in which we asked for wry "Devil's Dictionary"-type entries -- of exactly 10 words -- that might be added to the new site www.tenwordwiki.com: Hyphenated compounds count as single words.

The winner of the Inker

Historical revisionism: Now the past has been torched by a new generation. (Phil Frankenfeld, Washington)

2.the winner of the DVD documentary about Mike the Headless Chicken: La Leche League: Front organization dedicated to promoting the kindness of human milk. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

3. Elin Nordegren: Had Tiger by the tail. Now has a different grip. (Cy Gardner, Arlington)

4.Thesaurus: Language reference to help people find exactly the wrong word. (Ron Averyt, Severn)

Worth 1% of a picture: Honorable mentions

Advice: Opinions sought to confirm the correctness of our bad ideas. (Russell Beland, Fairfax)

Amnesia: A mental condition that, for all you know, you've experienced. (Russell Beland)

Gilbert Arenas: Unable to handle LeBron James, he equipped himself for Jesse. (William Bradford, Washington)

The Argument Sketch: Funniest Monty Python skit ever. It isn't. Yes it is. (Kevin Dopart)

Marion Barry: Ever since "Bitch set me up," he's been falling down. (Marty McCullen, Gettysburg, Pa.)

Jack Bauer: Complete verbal repertoire: "Chloe!," "Dammit!" and "We have no choice!" (Craig Dykstra, Centreville)

Glenn Beck: He's a walking aneurysm looking for a brain to attack. (Cy Gardner)

"The Cat in the Hat": Creepy intruder whips out Thing when kids' mother is away. (Kevin Dopart)

China: Mean country that won't let America keep adorable Chinese pandas. (Mae Scanlan, Washington)

Credit card: Loans for people who find subprime mortgages much too conservative. (Sam Bruce, New York)

Cupidity: Refusing to buy one's significant other a Valentine's Day gift. (Bryan Crain, Modesto, Calif.)

Charles Darwin: Victorian scientific genius whose radical theory inspired Republican health-care policy. (Stephen Gold, Glasgow, Scotland)

Facebook: For stalking people who had previously managed to elude you. (Craig Dykstra)

Mark Foley: Former Realtor, congressman eyeballed enough pages to be editor, too. (Dion Black, Washington)

Global warming: A leftist plot to destroy Americans' God-given right to destroy. (Marc Naimark, Paris)

Al Gore: An inconvenient truth: The globe didn't all warm to him. (John Glenn, Tyler, Tex.)

Rudy Giuliani: "Everybody's Mayor" -- that is, until he became nobody's presidential candidate. (Edmund Conti, Raleigh, N.C.)

Sean Hannity: So far to the right, there's nothing left of him. (Darren Chamblee, Frederick, a First Offender)

"In closing": Oratorical flourish meaning "I will now speak 15 more minutes." (Peter Metrinko, Gainesville)

Karaoke: The spectacle of people standing up and defacing the music. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)

Monogamy: The custom of having a single spouse at a time. (Chris Doyle)

Muffin top: Flesh brimming over pants' waistband: Aptly named for its source. (Dion Black)

Barack Obama: Candidate of Hope and Change, president of Bait and Switch. (Cy Gardner)

Barack Obama: He wasn't born in Kenya -- or in a manger, either. (Peter Metrinko)

Opportunity cost: The price of paving materials for the road not taken. (Phil Frankenfeld)

Pantyhose: Stockings that are fine for walking, but better at running. (LuAnn Bishop, West Haven, Conn.)

Passover: The week when cardboard with cream cheese is a delicacy. (Ed Gordon, Austin)

Patient: Able to sit stoically for hours in doctors' waiting rooms. (Chris Doyle)

Political career: Period between first election victory and revelation of sordid affair. (Harry Farkas, Columbus, Ohio)

Rubenesque: Polite word for someone 10 pounds heavier than you are. (Kevin Dopart)

Secret: Something you must share, but you don't expect others to. (Russell Beland)

Tequila: Leading cause of "Hey, y'all -- watch this!" in 11 states. (Craig Dykstra)

The White House: Impressive residence: Spacious rooms, rose garden (security system needs work). (Beverley Sharp, Washington)

And Last: The Empress: Grandiose, snooty, enormous, ancient and daunting hotel in British Columbia. (Martin Bancroft, Rochester, N.Y.)

Next Week: It's incumbent upon us, or The old bill game